Blind Justice
by NettieC
Summary: Set after the finale, Mac and Harm have set a wedding date but taken up their posts in the interim. When Mac is injured everything is jeopardised, especially when Harm finds out the truth about the extent of her injuries and what made it worse.
1. Chapter 1

_**Disclaimer: They are not mine…just playing. **_

_**This story was started two and a half years ago and sat unfinished, unread in my 'in progress' file, a euphemism for abandoned without hope of finishing it. But THANKS to the support and help from JagNat it is now complete. So Nat, this one's for you – all the way to the epilogue…. I wouldn't have finished it without you. **_

**-------------------------Blind Justice----------------------------**

_**This story picks up from the final episode. The spinning coin is about to land.**_

Seven sets of eager eyes watched the coin hit the floor and spin on its edge. It spun and spun, reducing in speed and stability. Finally, when the group thought their wait was over, the silver disk rolled away from them, wobbling as it went.

"I can't believe it!" said Harriet, echoing the thought of all present.

The coin had become wedged in a broken tile and was stuck in an upright position.

"What are the odds of that?" asked Bud, almost rhetorically.

Mac and Harm looked at each other, wondering whether this was an omen.

"So, what was the scenario for the coin landing on its side?" asked Sturgis.

"We didn't have one," answered Mac.

"Are you going to toss it again?" asked Major General Cresswell.

"Um…" Harm started but didn't answer.

"I think we might just take a minute to discuss this. Please excuse us," said Mac, taking Harm's hand and leading him to a table at the back of McMurphy's.

They sat on the same side of the table and Harm took Mac's hands in his.

"Do you think this is a sign, Mac?"

"A sign we should leave things as they are?"

"Yeah."

"No, I think it's just a fluke."

"You reckon? Because, Mac, I mean the odds of that happening…"

"Have you changed your mind, Flyboy?"

'No, not at all. I just…"

"Are you still going to marry me?"

"Yes!"

"Then, I'll tell you what, let's set a date."

"A wedding date?"

"No, a date for the movies." Mac rolled her eyes. "Of course a wedding date."

"When?"

"Six months. We'll get married here in DC in six months and Bud can toss that damn coin again."

"And the same outcomes stand?"

"Yep. Unless in the intervening six months something else comes up."

"Sounds good to me!" Harm kissed his bride to be and then they went to inform their anxious friends.

**Four Months Later **

**Roberts Residence**

**Thursday 2005**

"Surprise!" Harm exclaimed as AJ opened the front door of the Roberts' house.

"Uncle Harm!" screamed the excited child as he threw himself into his godfather's open arms. "I've missed you sooooo much."

"I've missed you too, kiddo. Look how much you've grown! You must be a foot taller."

"Not that much. Mom and Dad didn't say you were coming."

"They don't know. Where are they?" asked Harm, making his way into the living room.

"Dad's in the kitchen and mom's upstairs with…"

"Captain Harmon Rabb, is that you?" called Harriet from the top of the stairs.

"Indeed it is, ma'am."

Harriet ran down the stairs and gave Harm a warm and welcoming hug. "Why didn't you tell us you were coming?"

"It was a last minute thing. The SecNav called an emergency meeting for tomorrow and I just flew in. How have you been?"

Over coffee, around the kitchen table, Harm, Bud and Harriet caught up with all the latest news and it wasn't long before the conversation turned to Mac.

"So have you heard from Mac lately?" ventured Bud, when there was a lull in the conversation.

"No," replied Harm. "I've tried calling her a few times in the last two weeks but I just get her machine. I was hoping to swing by San Diego on my way home and catch up."

"You don't need…" began AJ before his father cut him off.

"AJ, time for bed, go and get ready please."

"Oh, but dad, I just want…"

"Uncle Harm will be here for another few days. You can spend sometime with him on the weekend. That's if it's alright with you, Harm?"

"That's more than alright with me. I have the SecNav's meeting tomorrow but I'm not due back in London until Monday at the earliest.

"Great!" called AJ as he ran up the stairs.

When Harriet had gone upstairs to check on the children, Harm returned the talk to Mac. "So Bud, what was AJ going to say about Mac."

"I'm not sure."

"Yes you are. You cut him off pretty quickly. He was about to say I didn't need to go to San Diego, wasn't he?"

"Well, yes, I guess so."

"So if Mac's not is San Diego, where is she?"

Bud collected his thoughts and wondered how best to phrase it.

"Bud?"

"She's a little closer to home, actually."

"She's in DC?"

"She's upstairs."

Harm was out of his chair and half way up the stairs before Harriet stopped him.

"Where are you going in such a hurry, Harm?"

"Bud, just told me Mac was here. Why on earth didn't you tell me an hour ago when I got here?"

Harriet firmly clasped his arm and led him back to the table. "Let's talk first."

"Harm, Mac has been here for nearly two weeks now and …" began Harriet.

"Two weeks, why? What's wrong?" Harm interrupted.

"There was an accident and Mac needed treatment at Bethesda. She's doing well now and …"

"What sort of accident?"

"The details aren't important but…"

"Can I see her?"

"Of course, Harm, but just take it easy. She's still recovering and needs her rest."

Harm quietly opened the door of the guestroom and, with the soft illumination of the street light, could make out Mac's sleeping form. His love for her was as strong as ever and geographical distance had done nothing to diminish it.

Their parting, the day after their engagement party at McMurphy's, had been bittersweet. Both knew they had made the right decision to take up their separate posts but neither wanted to be alone. The promise of a wedding in six months was the light at the end of their tunnel. Harm had found the intervening four months the longest and loneliest of his life. Mac had managed two visits which extended to eight days in total and amounted to less than four hours spent outside Harm's flat.

Harm took off his jacket and shoes and eased himself into the bed beside her. He gently brushed back her hair and kissed her forehead. The light showed a few small wounds which Harm attributed to her accident and he instantly regretted not asking more about it. Mac stirred briefly but only enough to reposition herself into his arms. Harm held her gently and, amid his flood of thoughts and concerns, drifted off to sleep as well.

Just before dawn, Mac awoke and was instantly aware of his presence. She ran her fingers down his face and reached up gently to kiss his lips.

"Harm," she whispered.

He stirred but his eyes stayed shut. "Harm," she said, kissing him again.

This time he awoke and kissed her back. "Hey Mac, how are you?"

"Wonderful, now you're here. What are you doing here, Flyboy?"

"I've got a meeting with the SecNav, it's a last minute thing. Why didn't you tell me about the accident?"

"Not much to tell actually. I got hurt, needed to see a specialist at Bethesda and Harriet insisted I stay here."

"That's not telling me much. What sort of accident did you have? What did you hurt?" He ran his hand through her hair and kissed her cheek.

Mac's response was interrupted by a quiet knock on the door.

"Come in,' Mac called.

"Good morning, did you both sleep well?" Harriet asked.

"Yes, very well," answered Harm.

"Glad to hear it," said Harriet. "Now, I apologise for the intrusion but Harm you fell asleep here and I didn't want to wake you last night. I know you have a big day with the SecNav but I didn't know what time you needed to be up."

"Well, so long as I'm gone by 0700 I think I'll be right."

"It's 0640 now."

Harm sprang out of bed. "God, I can't afford to be late. You'll be here when I get back tonight, won't you Mac?"

"Yep, got no plans."

"Great! Oh, that's if it's alright with you, Harriet."

"It's more than fine by me. Now hurry, we don't want you being kept back late."

With that Harm went into the bathroom.

"Now, Mac, do you want to get up now or later?"

"Later I think Harriet."

"Harm seems to be taking the news well."

"He didn't notice and I didn't tell him."

"Don't you think you should?"

"I will but not before his meeting. He needs to keep his mind on the job."

"But..."

"I'll let him know tonight."

"Ok, now I'm going downstairs to organise my motley lot. I will drop AJ off at school and then Jimmy and the twins at my parents. They've offered to have them until Sunday, which means we won't have to amuse them all afternoon tomorrow at AJ's game."

"I'm looking forward to that."

"AJ's so excited, especially now Harm's here and said he'd come. So, I'll be back by about 0945. That will give us plenty of time to get ready before we leave at 1100 for your specialist appointment. Is there anything you need before I go, Mac?"

"No, I'm fine and Harriet, thank you for everything."

"You're welcome. Now remember not to go downstairs until I get back."

"Yes, ma'am." Mac smiled, throwing Harriet a mock salute.

Harriet left and Mac snuggled back down into bed happily. She felt Harm kiss her and heard him whisper his love for her before he departed.


	2. Chapter 2

_**Disclaimer: They are not mine…just playing. **_

_I must say the reviews to chapter one were many and varied. There were several who obviously don't like the story or my writing in general and made that quite clear. So to those I must say life is short, why do you bother to read stories you don't like? I don't! This is a hobby, a world of fiction, some fun and relaxation, you don't like, don't read it's that simple. I'm sure your life is not so empty that you have nothing better to do than read and review things which you don't enjoy. _

_That said, I've disabled the anonymous reviews from my account. If you have anything to say about my work feel free to do so but don't be gutless put your name to it._

_You gave me advice, and I'll give you some - Get a life! No one is making you read this. Skip my stories and read ones you do like. Better still put all your talent and insight into writing stories - that'd be a change._

_I'll admit my first instinct was to say 'well, if that's the way you feel I won't be bothered posting the rest or anything else'. Then I read your comments again and actually laughed out loud. I realised I have made some wonderful friends through my writing on this site, friends who are supportive and critical - and they put their names to it._

_So to those people, and you know who you are - the ones who review, pm and exchange emails with me, I do appreciate your support and no gutless wonders who review with such comments anonymously is going to change what I do._

End of matter.

**-------------------------Blind Justice----------------------------**

Harm arrived back at the Roberts Residence just on 1930, very tired and with his head spinning from being around the SecNav all day.

"Hi Harm, you're just in time for dinner," said Bud, ushering his friend into the house. "How did the meeting go?"

"It went and went. I didn't know one man could talk so much, Bud."

Bud laughed and headed for the stairs. "Harriet's in the kitchen, Harm. I'll be back down in a minute."

"Hi Harriet," Harm said, kissing her hello.

"Hi yourself, you look tired. Come and sit, dinner's ready."

"Thanks. Where's Mac?"

"In her room," answered AJ coming into the kitchen. "She said she'll be down soon."

"And you left her?" Harriet said, a concerned look crossing her face.

"No," replied the boy. "Dad's going to get her."

"Good," said Harriet as she returned to serving up dinner.

"Why does she need someone to help her down the stairs?" asked Harm.

'She just needs a little support since the accident."

"Why? What did she hurt? Her legs? Her back?"

"No," replied Harriet. "It's just a temporary thing. The specialist said it should fix itself up."

"Harriet, what is wrong with Mac?" Harm said, firmly.

"She's blind," answered AJ from the table.

"She's what?" Harm spun around, to be greeted by Mac and Bud in the doorway.

"I'm not blind, AJ. I'm visually impaired," said Mac, feeling before her for the table.

"Sorry Aunty Mac, visually impaired then," AJ said, putting the cutlery on the table.

"Mac, why didn't you tell me?" Harm asked taking her arm.

"I didn't want to worry you."

"Not worry me! But didn't you think…"

"Let's talk about this after dinner," Mac said, kissing Harm's cheek before pulling out a chair.

Dinner was a lively affair, four adults and a child all contributing to the noise level. When dinner was finished, Mac stood to clear the plates.

"No Mac, I'll do them," said Harriet.

"Harriet, we've had this conversation before. I might not be seeing so well at the moment but I'm not helpless."

'Yes, I know. It's just that I thought you and Harm would like some time to talk."

"Great idea!" said Harm standing from the table and taking Mac's arm. "I think we have a lot to talk about."

"Go into the study," Bud suggested. "You'll get a bit more privacy."

When Mac was seated on the sofa, Harm shut the sliding doors and stood and watched her.  
"Aren't you going to join me?" Mac asked, patting the seat beside her.

Harm sat down and clasped her hands. "Now Mac, please tell me what happened?"

Mac drew a deep breath. She had been dreading this moment and wondered just how much she could get away with telling him. She knew the whole truth would cause him pain and didn't want to subject him to it.

"Mac?" Harm gently stroked her face.

"I was in my billet, late on a Wednesday night. It had been a really hectic time at work and the mail had stacked up. I opened the first few and there was nothing of importance. Then I came across a small package with a label which read 'Mrs Sarah Rabb'."

"Mrs Rabb?"

'Ah ha! It had no return label but a London postmark. I thought maybe it was from you, you know something for the wedding."

"I didn't…"

"I know that now. But since we spent some of my last visit to London talking about it, I thought maybe..."

"I wouldn't have…"

"Anyhow, I started to open the package and before I had actually unwrapped the stupid thing, it blew up in my face."

"A letter bomb? A letter bomb did this to you?"

'Yep," Mac said quietly.

"Who sent it? Do they know? Have they…"

Mac put her fingers up to Harm's lips to quieten him.

"They have someone in custody. It's a pretty clear cut case. I don't think I'll even need to give evidence."

"Are they sure it's him? I mean I'd hate to think that…"

"Harm, it was him. Anyway, I spent a couple of days in hospital in San Diego and the doctors recommended an ophthalmologist at Bethesda, so here I am."

"So, what does the ophthalmologist say? Harriet said this is only a temporary thing."

"That's what we're hoping for. The bomb wasn't set properly and only part of the incendiary device blew, thankfully. I have some flash burns and scarring but they think when things settle down my sight should return."

At a loss for words, Harm kissed her forehead.

"Anyway, it's been a few weeks now and things are improving, very slowly though," Mac said, pressing into his body and holding onto him.

"What can you see?" he asked, kissing her head.

"Now, I can see shades and shapes but I can't make out much in the way of features or details. I was talking to one of the twins the other day and it turned out to be a foot stool." Mac laughed but Harm didn't see the humour in it at all. "It's not all bad, Harm," Mac said, squeezing his hand. "It's given me a chance to spend some time here and …"

"Trust you to see some positive…I mean, to find…" Harm stuttered.

"Harm, you can use the word 'see', I don't mind. I hope one day soon I'll be able to see again, but even if I don't, you can still use the word." She hugged him tightly, hoping he would ask nothing more.

"Mac, why didn't you tell me? You should have called and I would have come…"

"I didn't want you to come when there was nothing you could do. Besides, I knew you were very busy and you probably couldn't have come and then you'd just be sitting in London worrying," she said, kissing his chest.

"But you should have told me. I would liked to have known. I could have…" he began.

Bud knocked on the door and slowly slid it open. "You've been in here a while, we were just a bit worried."

"We're fine, Bud," Mac said, standing up. "But I am very tired. I think I'll head up to bed."

"But it's not even 2100 yet," said Harm.

"I go to bed much earlier these days," she said.

"I'll come up with you," Harm offered.

"No, it's alright Harm. You visit with Bud, I'm sure you have lots to talk about."

"Well, how about I just help you upstairs?" Harm asked.

"No, it's fine, Flyboy. Going upstairs is easy, particularly when the kids are all in bed and especially now the doors are coded," Mac giggled and left.

"What did she mean by that?" Harm asked Bud, who had turned a lovely shade of pink.

"Oh, nothing really. We just tied different fabrics around the door knobs so Mac knew which room was which."

"Bad experience?" Harm smirked at Bud's discomfort.

"Oh well, no. Well, not really, I mean…"

"What happened, Bud?"

Bud drew a very deep breath. "On Mac's third night here, she got up to go to the bathroom and must have become disorientated because she… Well, Harriet was in the nursery and I was in bed half asleep and Mac, well, she got into bed with me."

"Really? You were in bed with my fiancée?" Harm asked in his sternest voice.

"No, I mean I was but it was…"

'At ease, it was a misunderstanding."

Bud took a deep breath, relieved the tale was over. Harriet brought in a tray with four coffee mugs and a plate of cookies.

"Where's Mac?" she asked.

"She's gone upstairs, she was very tired," answered Bud.

"I guess the excitement of you being here has exhausted her," said Harriet, taking a seat beside her husband.

"Did Mac explain things to you?" Harriet asked, feeling uncomfortable being caught between the loyalty to Mac and her friendship with Harm.

"Mac explained a few things but I get the feeling she left out a few more. What do you two know about it? Who was the guy they arrested? Why did he do it?"

"Look, it's really not…" began Harriet, before Bud stopped her.  
"Harriet, I think Harm deserves the truth, the whole truth, don't you?" Bud asked.

Harriet nodded slowly. Mac had made her promise she wouldn't tell Harm anything but if Bud hadn't made the same promise she wasn't going to stop him. She left the men to talk.

"Bud, please!"

"The accused is a Major George Bennett, he was a …"

"I know that name," Harm interrupted.

"He was …"

"I put him away in 1997 for 7-10 years for grievous bodily harm and misuse of..."

"Explosives. Yes you did. He got out recently…"

"And came looking for me?"

"Not quite. He was Dishonourably Discharged but his brother, Gerald, was still in the service. Early last month Gerald was died in Iraq and the investigation was conducted out of San Diego. The inquiry found Gerald had committed suicide and George disputed that. Although I think it was due more to the fact he'd miss out on his insurance payout, than any evidence to the contrary. George Bennett turned up at Mac's office to question the findings and things got a bit heated and she had him removed."

"How does that end up in a letter bomb?" Harm rubbed his hands over his face and through his hair.

"The exchange didn't become heated until George saw the photos on Mac's desk."

"Which photos are they?"

"You and her from last summer on the boat and the one from your engagement at McMurphy's," Bud said almost apologetically.

"He recognised me?" Harm said, more of a statement than a question.

"It looks like it."

"He did this to Mac because of me?"

"Yeah, confessed it when he was picked up the day after she was hurt.'

"Bastard! I'll kill him!" Harm jumped up from the armchair.

"No, you won't, Harm. I got a call from Jennifer today. Apparently George Bennett hung himself in his cell yesterday."

"Does Mac know?"

"No, not yet."

"Why didn't you call me, Bud? I mean didn't you think…?"

"Harm, I'm really sorry but Mac made me promise. She was quite distressed at the time and I gave in to try and placate her. She was really insistent," Bud explained.

"But why? I love her so much and I would have dropped everything."

"That's why, I think. Look, Harm, at the time I thought it would only be a few days and then when we knew something more substantial I was going to ring you anyway…"

"So what happened…."

"Um, well, um."

"Bud?"

Harriet slid the door open. "How are things going?"

"Bud's trying not to tell me something," Harm said.

"Sweetie?" said Harriet.

"Harm wanted to know why we didn't call him," Bud said, looking pleadingly at his wife.

"Maybe Harm and I can chat about that while you go and read AJ his story," said Harriet. Bud left and Harriet took his seat and held Harm's hand.

"Harriet, what is it that no one wants to tell me?" Harm asked, almost afraid to hear the answer.

"Most of the damage done to Mac's sight was due to the length of time it took to get medical attention. She opened the letter at about 2000 on the Wednesday but it was only when she was a no show for work that Jennifer Coates went to her billet and found her. She was on the floor with a cordless phone in her hand."

"Was she calling for help?" Harm asked with tear filled eyes.

"She…um…she had called for help but didn't get the answer she needed," Harriet said regretfully.

"What do you mean? She called 911 and no one came."

"No, she didn't call them."

"Who'd she call?"

"She called you," said Harriet closing her eyes, not wanting to see his face.

"She called me? What do you mean she called me? She never…" Harm was pacing the study.

"Harm, she couldn't see, she grabbed the phone and managed to hit your number on speed dial."

"When? When did she do that?" Harm was almost beside himself at the revelation.

"Two weeks ago, Wednesday night…"

"Oh God!" said Harm, realisation striking him like a lightning bolt. "I put her on hold, didn't I?"

"Uh huh."

"She said it was important and I told her to wait a minute and I'd be back to her."

"Uh huh."

"I thought it was about the wedding and it took me about five minutes and when I pressed the hold button she'd gone. I thought she may have been annoyed with me, especially when I tried to ring her back and got no answer. Oh God!"

"The battery had gone flat while she was on hold and before she could try anything else she passed out."

"Oh God, if I hadn't have put her on hold most of this could have been avoided." Harm slumped down into the armchair and buried his head in his hands.

"And that's why Mac didn't want you to know. She knew it wasn't your fault and didn't want you to feel bad about it."

Harriet moved to him and gently stroked his arm while he came to terms with the news.

"It's okay, Harm, let it all out," soothed Harriet. And before long the floodgates opened and all Harm's pent up emotion about Mac's injury, the perpetrator, the consequences, his homesickness and loneliness of his London posting came spilling out and he dropped his head to hide his tears. When he composed himself he went upstairs to Mac.


	3. Chapter 3

_**Disclaimer: They are not mine…just playing. **_

_A thousand thank you's to those who sent me supportive reviews, PMs and emails - I won't name you all or I'll forget someone. Just let me say, you'll never really know what they truly meant to me._

**-------------------------Blind Justice----------------------------**

Mac woke up in the early hours of the morning to find Harm sitting on the edge of the bed. "Harm?" she said, reaching out to find him. "What are you doing?"

"Nothing, Mac, go back to sleep," he said wearily, his elbows on his knees, his head resting in his hands.

"Harm?" Mac sat up and edged herself towards him. Harm went to move away but Mac grabbed his beater and pulled him back to her. "No way, Flyboy. Don't you move away from me."

"I'm not, I'm…"

"Then what are you doing?"

"I, I don't know."

Mac climbed out of bed and wrapped her arms around him. "Talk to me, Harm. What's happened?"

Harm leant his head forward, resting his forehead on hers. It wasn't long before Mac felt the tears from his face splash onto hers. She reached up and wiped his face. "What is it, hon?" she whispered.

"I'm so, so sorry, Mac. This is all my fault. I…"

"No, no, oh babe, no, it's not your fault!" she soothed, running her fingers through his hair.

"But Bennett… and then you called me and…" He could no longer form sentences.

"Harm, it's okay. I don't blame you and I definitely don't want you blaming yourself. It was just a bad set of circumstances."

"But if I hadn't put you on hold…"

"Things may have been different but then it may not have been. We'll never know but it doesn't change the way I feel about you. Do you feel differently about me?" Mac explained.

Harm took her face in his hands. "Yes," he whispered.

Mac gasped involuntarily. She had spent two weeks dreading his reaction and hoping he wouldn't love her less because of her impairment and it showed on her face.

"Oh, no Mac! No! No!" He kissed her forehead. "Baby, I do feel differently – I love you more than ever. I love you more and more every day, I can't help it."

Mac nodded slowly, relieved to hear his clarification. "I'm glad because I've had a lot of time to think in the last few weeks and sometimes I got to wondering whether…"

"Never!" said Harm adamantly. "Would you have loved me less if the situation was reversed?"

"No, but…"

"No buts, okay?"

"Okay. On one condition."

"What's that?"

"Come to bed, it's 0217."

Harm smiled; Mac's uncanny ability to tell the time was still intact.

Whilst Harm put a brave front on over the weekend, beneath the surface the feelings of guilt were raw and ran deep. He didn't want to put Mac through anymore pain and so he tried hard to present a happy face. Mac, not wanting to make Harm feel worse, went along with his façade, and didn't press him on how he was coping. The denial lasted until Sunday night, when they were laying in each others arms, knowing Harm would return to London the following morning.

Mac had made little mention of the wedding. She prayed her sight would return and didn't even want to contemplate not being able to see him on their wedding day. Harm wasn't sure whether the distinct lack of wedding talk meant she was having second doubts or she thought he was. So, with some degree of trepidation, he raised the topic.

"Mac, have you asked the Admiral to give you away at the wedding yet?"

"No, not yet."

"Have you changed your mind about asking him?"

"No, just haven't got a hold of him."

"Oh."

"Why?"

"Just wondering how he is. Thought you might have spoken to him."

"No, but I'll let you know when I do."

'Okay."

Harm sighed. Nothing in the exchange gave him information. He tried another tack.

"Have you and Harriet picked out dresses yet?"

"No, not yet."

"Oh."

"Harm, in case you are wondering. I do love you and I am planning on marrying you at the end of next month. I haven't changed my mind."

"Oh, no, I wasn't wondering about that, but I'm glad to hear it."

"Liar!" she said, squeezing him tight.

He kissed her forehead. "I'm going to miss you so much and I want to stay here with you but I just can't swing it."

"I know, I'd love for you to be here too but I'll be alright," Mac said reassuringly.

"Are you sure?"

"Yeah! I'm tough, I can handle it," Mac said with her toughest marine bravado, but not too deep down she knew the next seven weeks until the wedding would be the longest of her life. Many decisions needed to be made and she knew she wasn't in a position to make any of them until she knew one way or the other about her sight. At this moment she was prepared to marry the man beside her, love him forever, move to London and resign her commission, if that's the way the coin landed. But she knew if her sight didn't return the scenario would change. She couldn't imagine living in a new country without her sight. Nothing would be the same, nothing would be where it should be and if she didn't live in London with Harm, then he would have to move back to DC and neither of them would have the post they desired. It would be a lose-lose situation. Quietly Mac rolled over in bed, too many issues beyond her control rushing around her mind, and spilling over down her cheeks.

Mac didn't want a long drawn out farewell and feigned sleep until she knew Harm's departure was imminent. She hugged him tightly and kissed him in the bedroom doorway before walking downstairs and repeating it at the front door. Bud, Harriet, AJ and Jimmy all said their goodbyes, before Mac kissed Harm again and made him promise to phone the minute he got home. As Harm's rental car faded from view, Harriet shut the door, scooped up Jimmy and headed to the kitchen.

"Okay guys, breakfast. Who's for pancakes?"

AJ and Bud followed but Mac moved back to the stairs and sat on the lowest step. She placed her elbows on her knees and her head on her hands and cried.

When Bud came looking for her a few minutes later, she was still there. His first thought was to get Harriet but he decided he could manage. Bud walked over to her, sat a step higher and put his arm around her.

"How are you doing, Mac?" he asked gently. Sniffles and a muffled response was all he got. "It'll be okay. It might all look bleak now but it'll turn out alright."

Mac turned to face him. "What will?"

"Everything. You're upset because you love Harm and are going to miss him, right?"

"Right."

"But as much as you wish he was staying here, you're glad he is going because you don't know how this is going to turn out," he said, touching her face near her right eye. "And you feel guilty because you don't want to be a burden on him, right?"

"Right."

"And you're worried that Harm won't want to marry you if your sight doesn't return and you're worried he will still want to marry you, even if you can't see, and you won't know whether he is marrying you out of love or out of duty or guilt, right?"

'How…"

"Right?"

"Right, but how…"

Bud knocked on his prosthetic leg and Mac instantly knew that the swirling cauldron of emotions she had been trying to fight were not hers alone. Each person faced with sudden and severe disability must have anguished over the same things. Mac reached over and took Bud's hand, kissing the back of it she whispered "thank you", glad someone could understand the torment in her heart.


	4. Chapter 4

_**Disclaimer: They are not mine…just playing. **_

_A thousand thank you's to those who sent me supportive reviews, PMs and emails - I won't name you all or I'll forget someone. Just let me say, you'll never really know what they truly meant to me._

**-------------------------Blind Justice----------------------------**

Three weeks later.

Mac's recovery had been going slowly but the ophthalmologist was pleased with the progress she had been making. Whilst he still was no closer to giving a definite opinion on whether the vision impairment was permanent or temporary, he was, in his own words 'guardedly optimistic'.

With this in mind and with four weeks before the wedding, Mac and Harriet spent a hectic afternoon looking after three young children while trying to compose a list of wedding preparations. The date had been set five months ago and the chapel at Falls Church booked then, so that was something. They made a proposed guest list and Harriet emailed it to Harm for his opinion and additions, if necessary. Mac rang the Admiral and left her request on his answering machine. With a guest list of about forty, they discussed venues. Not wanting to go formal, Mac wasn't sure about the restaurants Harriet was suggesting, but did allow Benzinger's to go on the list.

Harriet organised a sitter to come for the following day, so she and Mac could go looking for dresses and by the time Bud had arrived home, the wedding details had been fleshed out.

"Have the reception here," Bud offered when apprised of the earlier discussion.

"No, I couldn't. You two have already done so much for me. I couldn't ask you to do it."

"You're not asking, we're offering," said Bud.

"I don't know why I didn't think of it earlier," added Harriet.

"But…" Mac went to protest.

"Consider it our wedding gift," said Bud.

"Think about it Mac, you know this house, it's familiar. You'll feel more confident moving around in here than going to some strange place, wouldn't you?" said Harriet.

"Well, yes."

"So…"

"Are you sure?"

"Yes," they answered in unison.

"Well, we'd be honoured."

The shopping trip for dresses had not gone as easily as the reception venue plans. Eight shops, fifteen wedding dresses and Mac wasn't happy with any of them. She tried to imagine what she looked like in the gowns but despite Harriet's gushing version, just couldn't picture herself.

"I don't have to decide today, do I Harriet?" she asked nervously.

"No, of course not. We still have a month, there's plenty of time," Harriet soothed.

"A month? Your wedding's in a month and you still don't have a dress?" scoffed the assistant.

'She's had other things to contend with, not that it's any of your business," retorted Harriet and they left.

In the early hours of the next morning, the silence of the sleeping house was disturbed by a piercing and sustained scream. Harriet raced out of bed, pausing for a moment in the hallway to identify the room. The twins and Jimmy started crying across the hall and AJ appeared in his doorway, scared.

Harriet opened the guestroom door and Mac was sitting on the bed, knees drawn up to her chest, her hands covering her eyes, screaming out in pain.

"Mac! Mac, what is it? What's happening?" Harriet asked, climbing on the bed to hold her.

"My eyes…pain…my head's going to explode…oh god!" Mac screamed.

Bud stumbled to the doorway. "What is it?"

"Something's happening to her eyes. Call 911!" yelled Harriet.

Bud did and then attended to the screaming infants.

Harriet sat beside Mac and held her tightly, hoping against hope the worst was not happening. Though Mac had stopped screaming the pain was intense and excruciating. Long before the paramedics arrived, she had passed out.

Forty three hours later, Mac awoke. Her eyes were covered with thick padding and bandages, legacy of a six hour emergency surgery performed to reduce the pressure on her optic nerves and to stop the retinas from detaching, as they had threatened to do. She had been kept highly sedated to keep her still and to give her eyes every possible chance. It was dark in her world, but the absence of noise around her indicated to Mac that it was probably night time. She listened for a while and heard the distinct sounds of a hospital; trolleys, buzzers and nurses making their rounds. She tried to move her arms but found them feeling heavy and restricted, without any energy to do anything else, she drifted back to sleep.

Two hours later she woke again, this time feeling more alert. She listened and could make out the sound of someone sleeping nearby. At first she thought she may be sharing a room but when the person moved themselves in what sounded like an armchair, rather than a bed, Mac realised it was Harm.

"Harm, is that you?" she croaked, barely above a whisper. She got no response. She tried again. "Harm, are you there?"

"Mac? Did you say something?" came the groggy reply. She heard his footsteps coming to the bed and then felt his hand take hers and his lips kiss her forehead. "Are you awake?"

"Yeah. Am I okay?"

"Captain Richardson says you are doing very well. He was very impressed by the way you went in surgery and his optimistic about your recovery," Harm explained quietly.

'That's good. When do we find out?"

"The bandages have to stay on for at least ten days and you need complete bed rest too. After that, he'll remove them and see what's happening?"

"Ten days?" Mac asked, sighing.

"Yeah, ten days, it's not too long, Mac," he said, placing a gentle kiss on her lips.

"I know but that would only leave two weeks to the wedding. There's still so much to do, maybe we should postpone it."

"Is that what you want?" he asked.

"No, I want to marry you but I don't want you to marry me like this. God knows how I'm going to look when these bandages come off."

"Mac, I'm not marrying you because of your looks. I'm marrying you because I love you and …"

"That's easy for you to say."

"Yes, it is easy for me to say because I do love you. I should have married you years ago but we never got our act together. Don't you think for one instant that I am giving up this opportunity. I am marrying you at the end of the month. I don't care who's there or what we're wearing. I wouldn't care if you wear nothing at all – actually, I might find that preferable." Harm laughed but Mac was not in a humorous or optimistic mood. She quietly started to cry.

"Oh, sir, you shouldn't be here," said a nurse, coming into the room. "It's 0315 and visitors are not permitted."

'I know but I've been in London and I just needed to be with Mac when she woke up."

"Well, she's awake now but she can't afford to be upset. She needs to remain calm and still. You will need to go."

"Please, I won't …"

"Sir, it's for the best. You can come back and visit later. Visiting hours are from 1400…"

"But…" Harm started.

"Harm, go. I'll be okay."

"But Mac…"

"Go."

When daylight arrived, the blackness of night remained for Mac. The pain from behind her eyes had been numbed but the pain in her heart, her soul, was bordering on torturous. She willed herself to stay calm, to not think about the bandages being removed in ten days. She didn't want to imagine them coming off and not being able to see Harm or anything else but worse she was scared of them coming off and being able to see the guilt she knew was now engraved on his face. She could hear it in his voice and knew that even with a full recovery his guilt would not fade.

She lay as still as possible sensing there was someone else there, not yet ready to speak about anything to anyone. She felt movement near the bed and then lips press down tenderly against her forehead, she'd know those lips anywhere.

"I love you, Mac," Harm whispered, kissing her again.

"I love you too, Harm," she whispered in reply, raising her hand to search for his. He took her hand and kissed it.

"How are you feeling today, baby," he said quietly, his fingers raking through her hair.

"Blind," she replied, trying to smile, it didn't happen. She felt his lips on hers.

"I'm right here, Mac," he whispered as his lips brushed hers. "Do you need anything?"

"You," she sighed. "Only you." She held out her arms and felt the bed shift under her as he moved in beside her. He wrapped her tightly in his arms and she willingly rested her bandaged head on his chest. In a world where everything was black and bleak, the steady rhythmic beating of his heart provided her with the comfort she longed for. It was the sound which reminded her that everything she needed was within reach.


	5. Chapter 5

_**Disclaimer: They are not mine…just playing. **_

_**There are two chapters to go and then it will be followed by an epilogue set a year later.**_

**_Thanks to all who have reviewed, this is for you._**

**-------------------------Blind Justice----------------------------**

The ten days were a complete rollercoaster of emotion for both Harm and Mac; he fluctuated between the lows of guilt and the highs of his love for her. Mac moved between her love for him and the guilt of what this was doing to him. Meanwhile plans for the wedding were still being made. Harriet arrived every afternoon with her notepad, checklist and a pile of bridal magazines and despite everything else which was going on she remained upbeat and positive about the whole thing. Harm did his bit towards the preparations and although he wanted to marry Mac with every ounce of his being, knew that it wouldn't happen if the bandages came off and she still couldn't see. He knew if the worst happened Mac would need more than the two weeks to come to terms with the blindness before she considered anything else.

The ninth day was a difficult one, Mac was agitated and Harm could do nothing right. He was holding her too tight or not tight enough, he was eating too loudly, his breathing was too noisy or he was just too quiet. When Harriet arrived in the early afternoon it took her twenty seconds to realise all was not well. Quickly she wrote a note and gave it to him folded, told him it was some errands she needed doing and it would be a great help if he could do them while she visited with Mac. With minimal protest Harm kissed Mac's forehead and departed. He stepped into the corridor and opened the note:

_Breathe Harm, just take some time out and breathe. She'll be fine. _

Harm folded the note and leant back against the wall, slowly bouncing his head off the white wall fighting back the tears which had been welling up all day. He took a deep breath, then two, then…the tears spilt over and he left to find some solitude in the nearby park.

Meanwhile Harriet shifted her chair closer to Mac's bed and took her hand. "He's gone Mac, it's okay," she soothed. Mac quietly began to sob, the stress of trying to maintain her composure in front of Harm too much. "It's okay, honey." It took a while for Mac to stop and to be ready to speak. "Tell me what's going on?" Harriet said, squeezing her hand.

"I'm just really scared," Mac replied. "I mean after tomorrow we're going to know one way or another and I'm….terrified."

"Mac, the doctor has said your sight should return, it won't be perfect tomorrow but in time it should," Harriet soothed.

"I know, Harriet, but I can't help but thinking the worst….nothing's ever gone smoothly for Harm and I, hell, we couldn't even toss a coin without it going awry…" She stopped to concentrate on her breathing. "What if…"

"What if what, Mac?" Harriet prompted.

"What if I never see again, Harriet?" she whispered, afraid of saying the words too loudly. "What if I can never look into Harm's eyes again?"

Harriet's first instinct was to take the positive tack, tell her she'd see and all would be well but deep inside she knew she couldn't. "Mac, when you think of Harm right now, what do you see, right here in your heart?" Harriet tapped Mac's chest.

"I see a man who loves me. I see a man who has probably always loved me. A man who would do anything for me…a man who I…love with all my heart," Mac replied.

"That's right," Harriet replied. "You don't need eyesight to see those things."

Harriet heard a slight sniffle behind her and turned around to find Harm, who had returned for his jacket, leaning against the door jamb, tears streaming down his face, he had heard them.

"Harm?" Mac called.

"Yeah baby, it's me." He swiped at his tears, willing them to stop.

"I might just go," Harriet said collecting her things, she kissed Mac's cheek and Harm hugged her tightly on her was out.

He slowly moved to the bed. "Harm, are you crying?" Mac asked, sitting up and stretching out her arms to find him.

"Aha," was all he could manage lest more tears escape.

"Oh baby," she replied, as her hands found his arms and wrapped around him. "I'm sorry I've been horrible to you today."

"Don't apologise, Mac, you're scared. I understand that," he whispered into her hair.

"Are you…scared?" she asked quietly.

"I'm terrified, Mac," he admitted quietly. He felt her tense up in his arms. "I'm terrified you won't see and then you won't marry me, I'm terrified you will see and find someone better than me and …"

"And what, Harm?" she prompted.

"I'm terrified this overwhelming guilt I feel is going to come between us because you keep telling me it's not my fault and some nights I just can't breathe because it's suffocating me," he answered and she pulled him tighter to her, hating the pain he was experiencing. He clung to her as much as she was clinging to him; every fear, every ache, mending a little more in each others arms.

Day ten dawned bright and crisp, not that Mac could tell in her darkened world. She paced back and forth from her bed to the ensuite bathroom door, the only path she'd been able to take during her hospitalisation. Harm stood at the door, watching her take the five measured steps, reach out for the door, turn around, take the five paces back, reach for the bed and repeat. It took him a couple of minutes to compose himself, his heart seemingly beating a thousand times a minute, his stomach feeling like it had risen into his throat. He shifted nervously, checking the time.

"Harm!" Mac froze, her bandaged face looking towards the doorway.

"Yeah baby, it's me," Harm said, moving in and taking her in his arms. He felt her nails dig into his skin as she grasped him tightly, her fears for the day ahead clearly evident. He dropped his head and found her lips, kissing her gently, surprised when, for the first time since his return she kissed him forcefully. Carefully he moved his hands up to cradle her head, giving her everything she wanted, everything she needed from the kiss. Knowing that when the doctor came in within the next few minutes and unbandaged her eyes every single thing in their world could change.

Finally, Mac pulled back, trying not to sniffle and alert Harm to the fact she was crying. She dropped her head onto his chest and concentrated on her breathing. Harm knew her tears were there, just as they were flooding down his cheeks. He was just thankful she couldn't see him in his current state.

"Colonel MacKenzie," Captain Richardson announced, coming into the room. Harm tried to break away but she wouldn't release him. "Commander Rabb."

"Good morning, Doctor," said Harm, reaching around Mac to shake the hand the doctor was offering.

"How are you this morning, Colonel?" he asked, scanning her chart.

"Great…good…okay," she rambled. "Nervous as hell."

Harm squeezed her tightly.

"Well, how about we sit you on the bed and get things started?" he said, taking her arm and guiding her to the bed. She sat down and clutched the blanket tightly. The doctor nodded at Harm to sit beside her and he did, he slowly extricated one hand from the blanket and held it in his hand and wrapped his other one around her waist.

A young nurse came into the room with a small tray and placed it on the tray table.

"Okay, Colonel," he said, unclipping the bandage. "We spoke about this a couple of days ago. When the bandages come off you'll still have significant vision difficulties. But indications are your sight will improve over the coming days and weeks. You do remember that I said a full recovery could be up to _six months_ away, don't you?" Mac nodded but Harm shuddered. "Commander, everything alright?"

"Um, yeah…I …" he started.

"I'm sorry, Harm," Mac said leaning into him. "I just couldn't tell you." He kissed her head it was too late to have any discussion.

Captain Richardson unwound the crepe bandage which was holding the eye pads in place. "Shade your eyes, Colonel and I'll take these away." Mac did so and the pads were removed. Harm closed his eyes not yet prepared to see her face. "Now, very slowly open your eyes…just take your time and give them a chance to adjust to the light." Mac followed his instructions and within a few minutes her eyes were fully opened and unshaded. Harm knew the outcome long before it was official.

"What can you see, Colonel?" he asked. She shook her head, not able to utter any word. "You need to speak to me," he said gently.

"Nothing," she whispered. "I see nothing…not even the shades and shadows I saw before the surgery…nothing." The silent tears which ran silently down her cheeks were matched by Harm's. She reached up and instinctively wiped his face. "It's okay, Harm, It's okay."


	6. Chapter 6

_**Disclaimer: They are not mine…just playing. **_

_**This is the last chapter and it will be followed by an epilogue set a year later.**_

**_Thanks to all who have reviewed, this is for you._**

**-------------------------Blind Justice---------------------------**

After more instructions were issued by the doctor and both he and the nurse had left, Harm stood in front of Mac and held her closely to him.

"I love you so much, Sarah," he said, kissing her head. "So, so much."

"Love you too, baby," she replied holding him tighter. "Sorry I didn't tell you about the six months."

"Why didn't you?" Harm asked gently.

"I didn't want to acknowledge it and thought by telling you it would be real and I didn't want it to be real and I didn't want to make things worse and …and…and…" She gulped in a breath.

"Sshhh, sshhh, baby, breathe honey, breathe," Harm soothed, his hands rubbing her back. "Just breathe for me, baby."

Mac's erratic breathing and sobs evened out and soon she slumped against him exhausted. "How about you lay down and get some sleep, Mac?" Harm said quietly. "I doubt you got much sleep last night. I know I didn't."

"Will you stay with me?" she asked in a voice so small it broke his heart.

"Of course, baby. There's no where else I ever want to be." He guided her into her bed, toed off his shoes and slid in beside her. After several adjustments Mac rested her head on his chest and played with the buttons on his shirt. She sighed deeply.

An interminably long time later, she sighed again. "Six months."

Harm stirred at the sound of her voice. "Six months," he repeated.

"Seems to be our thing, right?" she said, her voice shaking.

"Mac…Sarah, our wedding is in two weeks, I…" She went to interrupt but he put his fingers to her lips. "Shhh! I love you with all my heart, I want to marry you. I want you to be my wife. I want to keep the date we set the night of our engagement. We set that date without assurances and guarantees and nothing has changed that – nothing. I know you are scared, so am I, but I am more scared of you never being my wife than anything else. You don't have to answer right this minute but…." He slipped her engagement ring from her slender finger. "Sarah MacKenzie, you are the love of my life…would you do me the honour of becoming my wife?" He kissed her head.

Through her sobs Mac nodded, and he slipped the ring back onto her finger.

"Baby, I love you," he said kissing her again and again and again.

Saturday afternoon, Mac was back at the Roberts' house and she, Harm, Harriet and Bud sat around the kitchen table discussing the wedding plans for the following Saturday. Harriet had everything well in hand and as much as Mac seemed pleased about it all, the other three knew there was something amiss. After an hour Mac yawned wearily.

"I'm sorry guys, I think I may just go lay down for a bit," she said standing up. Harm stood too. "No, Harm, I can do this myself." Moving to the door, she bumped into Harriet's chair and muttered under her breath.

"Mac," Harriet said gently, "I need to go up to the twins, do you mind me coming up with you?"

Mac shook her head, she could still only see shadows and her unshed tears were affecting those too. Once they were out of earshot from the men, Harriet said, "Mac, what's wrong?"

Mac shook her head to protest but her tears betrayed her. Quickly Harriet took her upstairs and sat with her on the edge of her bed. She held her close as Mac wept quietly. "What is it, honey?" she whispered.

"I…well, um…"she paused and took in some deep calming breaths. "You know I've loved Harm forever…and long before we were being reassigned and got engaged I'd dreamed of marrying him. I always imagined how my wedding day would go and…"

"And I'm taking over?" Harriet asked regretfully.

"No! No! I truly appreciate everything you've done and are doing for me and Harm. I just don't want to be the only one who doesn't see the groom. I know he loves me and I love him…so much but…" She stopped, the words lodging in her throat. "But I don't want him to regret this…I don't want to be the only one who can't see my dress or him in his dress whites… I don't want to be a burden to him…"

Harriet rubbed her friend's back and wiped at her own tears. "Mac, that's a lot of what you don't want…what do you want?"

"I want to be Harm's wife…I want the marriage…I want my sight back," she sobbed. "I just don't want the wedding – not like this."

Harriet looked up to find Harm in the doorway; he'd heard most of it. Quietly she stood and left the room and Harm took her place on the bed. He pulled Mac to him and held her tightly. "Mac, let's cancel the wedding – the chapel, the caterer, the florist, everything."

"You don't want to marry me?" she asked, fighting to control her emotions.

"Yes, I do…Like you I only want the marriage, not the wedding. So what's say you and me go to the registry office and start our marriage ASAP, Bud and Harriet can come too. And…" He leant in to kiss her eyes. "When you can see again, and you will baby, we'll do the whole wedding thing."

"Do you mean that?" she asked quietly. "I know how much you…" His lips found hers.

"Sarah," he muttered into her lips. "Nothing, and I mean nothing, is more important to me than you and what you want, what you need. I will marry you under any circumstance … any. Do you understand that?"

She nodded as she ran her hands up his arms and around his neck, she lay back, pulling him down onto the bed with her. His soft, gentle kisses belied his passion and drove her crazy with desire…it had been so long since they'd been intimate but as she heard Bud's footfalls on the steps she knew it wasn't going to happen now either.

Friday afternoon rolled around and Harriet and Mac sat in the outer room of the registry office waiting for Bud and harm to arrive.

"I don't know what's taking them so long?" said Harriet, on her feet pacing around.

"You don't think he's changed his mind?" Mac asked quietly.

"Not on your life!" Harm said, startling both of them. Mac stood and smiled in the general direction of his voice. "Sorry, we got stuck in traffic."

"You're here now, that's all that matters," she said as she felt his arms surround her.

"It is but just in case it wasn't I brought along someone else," Harm said.

"Really, who?" Mac pulled back and scanned the room through habit, a useless one now.

"Me!"

She moved away from Harm and allowed herself to be engulfed in a warm embrace.

"You wouldn't get married without me being here, would you? I mean after all these years?"

She shook her head. "No, AJ, I wouldn't." She felt his lips press against her head.

"Good!"

A lady appeared at the door. "Rabb – MacKenzie." Everyone moved toward the door, Mac on the arm of AJ.

The service was brief, with only the basics covered. Although grossly impersonal it was what Harm and Mac agreed on, they wanted a marriage, the wedding could wait.

The five were soon seated at a small intimate restaurant, situated not far from the registry office. Dinner ensued and the group took the opportunity to catch up on the last few years. Years that had been difficult for one reason or another, but primarily because they hadn't been together. Despite the differences in rank, position and circumstance, this was the heart of the JAG family and while they had always known it, it had become abundantly clear when they were separated across the country, and the world.

Harm took Mac out on the dance floor for their first dance as husband and wife.

"How is she really?" asked AJ as soon as they were out of earshot. Bud and Harriet exchanged looks. "Well?"

"Mac should make a good recovery," Harriet began.

"A good recovery? Not a full recovery?" AJ asked, his eyebrows raised.

"The specialist isn't convinced there will be no permanent damage so it's a matter of wait and see," Bud explained.

"That's her eyes but how is she?" he asked again.

"I think she's doing better than Harm," Harriet said honestly, both Bud and AJ looked at her. "She's accepted this is her life, at the moment but he's having trouble with it."

"Doesn't look like he's having any trouble at the moment," AJ commented looking at the pair on the dance floor. Their bodies melded into one, her head on his chest and his head dropped so he could whisper into her ear and kiss her. A broad grin on his face.

"He's accepted Mac, he loves her but I don't quite think he's gotten over his guilt about it all," Harriet said. Bud nodded; he'd been thinking the same thing. They filled him in on the details of that fateful evening.

"That would explain it then," AJ said, taking a long sip of beer. "Harm rang me last week and I could tell he was quite distressed by the whole thing, but he left out a few key facts."

"He blames himself," Bud said.

"Well, it doesn't look like Mac does," AJ noted.

"She doesn't," said Harriet.

The conversation changed abruptly when Mac and Harm returned to the table.

"And that was Florida," AJ said and Bud and Harriet laughed.

"So,' AJ began after dessert was served. "What are your plans now?"

Harm looked at Mac before clearing his throat to start. "Well, I've…um…You see…um…"

Mac shifted in her seat to _look _at him, she couldn't remember the last time she'd heard him this nervous. "Harm?"

"I was going to tell you this before we got married but I was worried you'd change your mind," Harm admitted guiltily.

"Harm?" she repeated.

"I've moved back to the USA," he said quickly.

"You were reassigned?" she asked incredulously.

"Not exactly," he said.

"Well?" She stared at him, trying desperately to see his face.

"I resigned, for good. I didn't want to be away from you for any reason. Whether we stay in DC or I come to San Diego with you, it doesn't matter," he said quietly.

"What about your career?" Mac asked, trying to come to terms with the news.

"My career isn't as important as you. I should have figured that out years ago, it shouldn't have taken this to make me see… I mean, make me realise you were my life…not the Navy." He reached in and kissed the tear from her cheek.

"I love you Harm," she whispered as her lips found his.

"Love you too, Mac."


	7. Chapter 7

_**Disclaimer: They are not mine…just playing. **_

**_Thanks to all who have been especially supportive during this story!_**

**-------------------------Blind Justice---------------------------**

**_Epilogue: A Year Later_**

Most couples find the first year of marriage challenging for a whole host of reasons. The endless effort to balance life and love can result in arguments, compromises and making up. The year for Mac and Harm was just the same. First there was the aftermath of Harm's announcement after their marriage, that being his resignation from the Navy. Whilst Mac hadn't said anything in the first few days it got the better of her and it became their first official argument as husband and wife. In the end, with the damage done, Mac sought reassurances from Harm that he would talk to her before making any life altering decisions. While he agreed in principle, he still firmly believed he had done the right thing. Sure, they had lost the financial security a few more years and a retirement would bring but he had put Mac ahead of everything else and there was nothing he would not sacrifice to ensure she was never without him again.

Their second argument came soon after when Mac was seriously considering a medical retirement. With her vision still severely affected she could not remain a marine and believed this was the best option, despite her doctor telling her she was improving and her sight would return. It was Bud who swayed her to use up all leave possible before making a decision. He confided in her just how often he wanted to throw it all in but battled through and was so glad he had. Mac had spent the year on leave but knew she had to make it all official soon.

So the year went on. Harm established a small practise in DC and Mac helped out in an unofficial capacity. She attended her doctor appointments, her rehabilitation and mobility sessions, a support group for injured military personnel Bud had directed her too, worked in Harm's office and from their home, Harm's old loft. She had also done additional computer training specially in voice activated software. Now, with slow but steady progress with her sight, a computer which spoke to her and a full schedule, she found life was far busier than she had ever anticipate during her first darkened days.

As their first wedding anniversary approached Harm was cautious about making any set plans to celebrate. Mac's mood had been all over the place lately and he knew he'd have to tread carefully. Tonight was no different from the last two weeks, he came in from the office only to find her in tears, He had tried to soothe her only to be yelled at, he tried to talk to her only to be yelled at, ignore her – yelled at, avoided her – yelled at, hold her – yelled at.

In the end he scooped her up and sat down with her in the armchair and held her so close she had no choice but to stop resisting him. Harm held her tightly and when she calmed enough lessened his grip, to his surprise Mac didn't get up but snuggled in closer to him.

"Tighter," she whispered and he pulled her too him once more. "Tighter," she begged.

Willingly Harm sat and cradled her in his arms for hours. His kissed her head and repeatedly whispered his love into her ear. He ignored his rumbling stomach, the cramp in his arms and the crick in his neck and simply held her tightly, praying she would talk to him.

Finally she eased back and gazed up at him.

"Love you, Harm," she whispered.

"Love you too, Mac," he replied, dropping his head to gently kiss her lips.

"I'm sorry," she mumbled into his mouth.

"Don't be sorry, baby, just talk to me," he pleaded.

She shook her head and slid her hands around his neck. "Can't."

"Yes you can, you can tell me anything. Please!" he begged.

Mac sighed deeply; trying to steel herself for the conversation she knew was a long time coming.

"We never had our wedding," she said quietly. "Never got to see you in your dress whites on our wedding day."

Harm kissed her forehead. "Mac, I…" She pressed her finger to his lips; if she was going to get this out he couldn't speak.

"I was supposed to be better within six months, then nine months, then…" her voice trailed before she took a few deep breaths and tightened her grip on him. He kissed her head again, leaving his lips on her head in an attempt to bring her some comfort. "But while my sight has improved it's still poor and I …I feel so useless…and everyone says it will get better but I'm thinking … that this is it…that I'm never going to see your face again…"

Her tears cascaded down her face yet she ignored them in favour of trying to wipe his away, she couldn't see them but she could feel them splashing down on her.

"Baby, don't cry, please don't cry," she begged him, pulling herself around so she was straddling him. "Don't…please!"

"Can't help in, Sarah. I love you so much and it kills me to see you in this much pain," he sobbed, pulling her closer to him.

"I'm sorry…" she began.

"Please don't be sorry, if I hadn't put you on hold…" he interrupted.

"No!" she injected.

"Yes, Mac, I did this to you…I shouldn't have…"

"NO!" she screamed, slapping his chest. "No! This is not your fault, it's not mine…it's just the way it is. Please don't tell me you still blame yourself?" she cried.

"I do…I can't help it," he sobbed in reply.

"You promised me you were okay with this," she said, clasping on to his shirt.

"And you promised me you were okay." His grasp on her tightened.

"So I lied a little," she admitted.

"And so did I," he acknowledged.

Mac leant forward and rested her forehead on his, exhausted by the conversation, by the stress of recent weeks and by life in general.

"You know," he whispered. "I love you so very much, Mac." He felt her nod. "And if this is it, if this is as good as your sight gets, we'll manage. You do know that don't you?"

Mac nodded again but then it became a shake of the head. "No?" he asked, gently pushing her head back. "Why not, baby? Why not?"

"Exactly," she whispered.

"Huh?" he asked confused. "I don't understand."

"When I went to the doctor last week…" she began.

"You didn't tell me you had an appointment," Harm interrupted.

"I didn't want you to come," Mac admitted. "I didn't want you to hear what I thought he'd say."

Harm ran his hands up and cupped her face, holding it up in front of him. He knew she couldn't see him but he had to look at her, had to try to read her face.

"Mac, honey." He steadied her face as she tried to drop her head. "Talk to me…what did the doctor say?"

She gave up resisting and fell into him. "Love you," she mumbled into his neck.

"Love you too but I still want you to talk to me," he replied.

"The doctor said I'm pregnant," she whispered, clinging onto him when he tried to push her back.

"Pregnant?" Harm echoed. Mac nodded.

"Mac, that's wonderful!" he exclaimed. "Isn't it?"

"Baby – yes! Never seeing my child…no!" she sobbed.

"Did the doctor say that?" Harm asked gently.

She shook her head. "Said he was optimistic I'd see all of him or her."

"You will, baby, you will."

**_Six weeks later_**

Mac awoke with a headache; she'd had a low grade one for days now but being pregnant had resisted taking anything for it. She felt lethargic and getting out of bed required more energy than she thought she was capable of generating.

"We've got the sonagram at 0900, Mac," Harm reminded her as he placed a kiss on her lips.

"I know," she mumbled, swinging her legs from the bed and stumbling across the room to the bathroom.

"You okay, Mac," he asked, grabbing her before she walked into the door frame.

"Yeah Harm, just a little dizzy," she replied, "I'll be fine."

Not trusting her in the least, Harm hovered nearby just in case she needed him.

They were in the exam room waiting for the OBGYN to come in. Mac was laying on the gurney, her gown pulled up over her abdomen, a blanket over her. Harm stood by her head and bent down to kiss her forehead, as he did he noticed how pale she was.

"You okay?" he asked, caressing her cheek.

"Yeah, just this damn headache, it's persistent," she replied, placing a hand over her eyes to shield the bright lights of the room.

"Anything I can do?" he asked. She shook her head.

"Colonel, Mr Rabb," Dr Langley said coming into the room. "How are you both?"

"Nervous. Excited," Harm replied. Mac just nodded, her head hurting more by the minute.

"Well, let's get started then." The doctor squeezed the cold gel onto Mac's stomach and grabbed the probe. She made gentle sweeps across her body before settling onto a specific area. Harm squeezed Mac's hand as the picture crystallised on the screen. It took a few moments but finally he saw the image he'd been longing to see; the image of their child.

"Wow!" he muttered, as the OBGYN pointed out the body parts. Still too early to tell whether it was a boy or girl Harm didn't care; he just wanted everything to be well. "Mac…" He looked down to see her tear stained face. "Sweetheart, are you okay?" She shook her head. "Is your pain worse?" She shook her head again. "What is it?"

"That's our baby," she cried gesturing towards the screen.

"Yes it is," Harm replied.

"And…and…" she paused in favour of trying to breathe.

"And what, Mac?" Harm asked, his eyes firmly focused on her.

"And I can see it!" she whispered.

"You can see it?" he whispered back.

"Not clearly but enough…" She looked up at him, he was still blurry but his blue eyes shone out at her, glistening with tears. "And I see you too."

Harm grinned broadly. "You can?" he asked.

She nodded. "And you look amazing," she said, not caring that the last fourteen months had taken their toll on him and he looked much older than she expected.

"You always look amazing," he whispered, reaching down to kiss her lips. Doctor Langley pulled the monitor closer to them before stepping out to give them this special moment. "Anything you need, Mac?"

"Yeah." She looked up at the monitor, tracing the outline of their child with her finger before looking back to him. "I need you to marry me again…I want to have our wedding…I need to see you when I promise to love you forever. Can you do that for me?"

"Nothing has ever been easier, Mac, nothing."

**_The End_**


End file.
